Forgiveness as an act of hope

In a previous post we looked at repentance as an act of hope.  Today, dear Reader, a friend of mine reminds us that forgiveness is an act of hope no less remarkable.  Enjoy the read...

I knelt at the edge of my bed feeling as if I might implode. For weeks I had fought with the weight of betrayal, lies, and deceit that had come seemingly out of nowhere. Because of my relationship with the offender I was left questioning the reality of everything in my life. So much of who I was and what I believed was wrapped up in my relationship with this person and now I felt as if I didn’t know anything. I had felt offense and upset before, but I had never felt something so deep and painful.   A part of me wished that this other person had died rather than to see the truth and the affect that it would and did have on my life. At least if this person had died this person could still be the person I always thought of in my mind. Now I was left with someone I hated and feelings that I could hardly bear.

I couldn’t imagine living the rest of my life in this terrible pain and yet I couldn’t imagine ever getting over it and certainly never being able to forgive the offender. Because honestly the offender didn’t deserve forgiveness – at least I didn’t feel like the offender deserved it. In some way I felt that my holding on to the pain was proof that the offender was paying for the wrongs. Because there really wasn’t much this person could do for restitution, nothing this person said or did could make it better, so it seemed that holding on to the anger and bitterness could make this person pay for it.

I was forgetting that someone already had paid the price. Someone had already made it possible for me to heal and recover even if the person who offended me could never make that restitution. My Savior Jesus Christ could make that restitution and he already had! Throughout my life I had learned about the atonement of Jesus Christ. I had learned that His atonement covered everything; sin, pain, sadness, loneliness, anger, and even forgiveness. But I did not understand how that worked and I wasn’t sure that it really applied to my situation.

After weeks of anguish and pain and praying that I could get over what had happened I had never thought or prayed to forgive, because honestly, I didn’t want to! I felt that forgiveness would mean the offender had won. As debilitating as my anger and hurt was I could not let it go. I tried to forget about it, to move on, but I just couldn’t. Finally, in a moment of complete despair I had the distinct thought to ask my Savior to help me forgive the offender through the Savior's atonement. 

© Kevin Carden stock.adobe.com

 As soon as the words escaped my mouth I felt a rush of relief, almost as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. For the first time in months I felt a hope that I couldn’t even imagine was possible. Hope that I could move on from this. Hope that I could rebuild some kind of relationship with this person, hope that I could overcome all the pain and hurt.

I had never realized or known how much hope there was in forgiveness. Obviously, things weren’t immediately resolved or fixed but because of the atonement there was hope that there could be restitution and it no longer mattered to me that the offender payed dues. That debt was already payed, and it was no longer my burden to bear! Proper boundaries, counseling, and time helped rebuild the relationship and although it will never be the same as before, it no longer causes me intense pain, bitterness or anger when I think of this person. Instead I view this person more as the Savior would – someone worthy of His love and atonement – we all are!

In a recent address Joy Jones offered "Let me point out the need to differentiate between two critical words: worth and worthiness. They are not the same. Spiritual worth means to value ourselves the way Heavenly Father values us, not as the world values us. Our worth was determined before we ever came to this earth...On the other hand, worthiness is achieved through obedience. If we sin, we are less worthy, but we are never worth less! We continue to repent and strive to be like Jesus with our worth intact...No matter what, we always have worth in the eyes of our Heavenly Father."

It is my testimony, dear Reader, that we don't have words in our language to adequately describe our worth and the awe inspiring creations we are.  It is also my testimony, that when a person needs to tap into FORGIVENESS AS AN ACT OF HOPE for wrongs done against him/her then Christ is happy to provide that person relief as well as glimpses of his/her own worth and the worth of the wrongdoer.  Hope moves between all three-- the sinner, Christ, and the innocent-- to form a uniquely meaningful, MORE PERFECTLY BRIGHT, sphere of relieving HOPE. 

© fluenta stock.adobe.com