Listen UP

Today, dear Reader, we get to hear from a friend of mine who started first with faith, then added repentance as an act of hope, and was finally filled with a portion of Christ's charity. Perhaps you too have a friend like mine or perhaps you are that friend in someone else's life-- a friend who exemplifies how to hold onto hope more perfectly.  Enjoy the read...

Looking back I see my seemingly carefree nineteen year old self.  I lived for me.  The only hiccup was that Nineteen Year Old Me was sorely deceived. I spent much of my time being in the wrong places and doing the wrong things, although at the time they soothed and entertained.  I say "seemingly carefree" because I grew up in a Christian household, yet as a young adult, I strayed from the beliefs my parents taught.  The yearnings to return to my roots still rose up in my soul and ate at me every now and again.  They beckoned me to second guess my placebo carefree lifestyle and return to the reality of freely caring.
Turning from my roots didn't happen all at once, but slowly over the course of my teenage years and on into young adulthood.  Every young adult upon leaving the nest has choices to make.  No more being swayed by the culture of the home a person grows up in or by the expectations of parents.  Teenage Me didn't fully indoctrinate myself with core values and truths to the point I could maintain them once outside my incubator childhood home environment.  Nineteen Year Old Me appeared to be doing the typical young adult things...apartment with buddies, holding a job, going to college...you know the picture. My focus with my friends was finding fun in all the wrong places, often being the mastermind behind the activities.
One night I sat in my apartment and pondered.  Either the gospel centered life my parents taught and lived was all a lie or it was the truth.  I wanted to find out.  Specifically, I yearned to know if being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was merely one good way to live along with all the other good Christian religions out there.  Is it truly God's restored church with Christ at the head or is it a hoax? Is God even real?  Does a person just choose to be good for the sake of self contentment? Is what we choose to consume, view, and do so significant that it tips the scale to either damage or enlighten our souls?
Suppose the church taught the truth and held the authority of God's priesthood on earth?  Then what?  I would of course want to go on a mission like many of my friends, siblings, and cousins.  If there was a chance I was being deceived I knew I would always regret if I missed out on serving a mission.  It was now or never.  I needed to know for a certainty the truth, so of course I went straight to the source.  I prayed.  I think it important to note that I didn't just pray in a curious type way.  I prayed after already making the commitment in my heart that if it was true, I was going to be all in with God, which included forsaking my sins wholeheartedly and going on a mission (if in God's mercy He would allow me to).  I poured out my heart to the heavens above, asked my questions to God, then turned to one of the sure fire ways of hearing Him -- reading the scriptures.
My answer didn't come all at once by a lightning strike to the heart or pure intelligence to the mind, but it came.  With all certainty, I know it came.
I read the scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon, and I continued to pray.  The deeper I got into the Book of Mormon the clearer my conviction developed of the truths the book taught.  I identified with 1 Ne 13:40 that the teaching in the Book of Mormon would supplement the teachings in the bible and "make known to all kindreds, tongues, and people, that the Lamb of God is the Son of the Eternal Father, and the Savior of the world; and that all men must come unto him, or they cannot be saved."  Lehi's vision of the tree of life, Nephi's ability to live fully yoked to the Spirit and tap into the power of grace, King Benjamin's discourse on God, and his example as a servant-king, Alma the Younger's miraculous change of heart, Captain Moroni finding the grit to stay valiant for righteousness among so much wickedness, and of course, Christ's coming to the Americas and teaching his gospel personally.  It resonated deeply in my soul, from a place much deeper than the roots of my childhood home and the family I grew up with, so deeply I knew it came from eons before where as a son of God I knew Christ and accepted his plan.
Now that my heart was awake and listening again, I started hearing God through many different avenues.  I went back to church and heard Him there.  I heard Him speak to me through personal insights to my mind.  Most vitally I heard His voice as I worked with my bishop.  I think my bishop about fell off his chair when I told him all the things I wanted to turn away from so that I could serve a mission.  We started little by little.  The process was a bit hard at first, but because repentance is an act of hope, the ball of hope rolled faster and steadier each time I met with bishop.  All I needed to do was have the courage to describe a sin.  Next, God responded by inspiring bishop what to tell me about how to make restitution and put the sin aside for good.  Then I went home, acted fully on what bishop said I should do, returned a week or two later, gave my report, and we moved to the next sin.  It was freeing!  I saw myself finally returning to the valiant son of God I was made to be.  I know others saw it too.  I enjoyed human relationships more.  I could connect with people on an intimate level, sharing together and making each other laugh.  I felt confident in my value as a human and in my ability to be my truest self. There is no feeling in the world better than the way I felt inside myself, because I was now reconciled to God and enjoying His powerful Spirit again.  The best part was, because I was filled with so much light, I wanted to share my light with others.  That naturally became the deepest desire of my heart.  After about a year, bishop and I knew it was finally time.  Slap the black badge on and send me into the mission field!  It was time for me to engage in an even more rewarding form of work. 

I realized then, and have tried to remember ever since, that one of the most important skills we can develop in this life is the ability to listen UP because God speaks from ABOVE and it's His voice we need to hear.  God doesn't need to be heard for His sake.  We need to hear Him for our sake.  When we learn to listen UP we understand that God has a lot to say, and what He says is purely for our benefit.